The Art of Knowing Yourself: A Road Scholar Love Story

"I had studied Russian in college," Joan explains, "and I knew Azerbaijan, Georgia and Armenia all use Russian regularly. When I travel, I enjoy speaking the language, so I thought this would be fun and work well." Recently widowed and newly retired from her career as a school counselor and teacher, she wasn't looking for romance. She was looking for an engaging — and sensible — way to travel solo.

"I had traveled with other organizations," Joan adds, "and there had always been a pretty healthy number of singles along. So, I felt like, even though I was going really far away, I would probably meet other people, and it would be fine."

Of course, she did far more than meet other people. The story began with lost luggage in Frankfurt and a conversation in Russian with an Azeri Group Leader in Baku. As Joan explained her situation in Russian, a fellow traveler named Jack sidled up, intrigued by her language skills. An experienced traveler himself, Jack always made sure to learn a few words in the local language before traveling. That shared appreciation for cultural connection sparked their first conversation.

Over the three-week journey through the rugged Caucasus terrain, their initial connection deepened. They discovered they were both from the East Coast — he from Staten Island, she from Atlantic City — and shared a taste for the local coffee, "so strong the spoon actually stands up in it," according to Joan. But it was the challenges of travel that truly revealed their compatibility.

"Travel will tell you so much more about a person than a coffee date or a meeting in a bar," she observes. "You see how they are with colleagues, with challenging situations, with bad food. Travel runs the gamut of crises and wonders." Through it all, Jack handled every situation with grace and kindness, matching Joan's even temperament and grounded approach.

Their relationship unfolded at a natural pace. When the group had free evenings, they naturally gravitated toward dinner together. On bus rides, they found themselves choosing adjacent seats. "It was clear that he was interested in me, and I was not uninterested in him," Joan says with typical candor, "but having been a widow for just over a year, I wasn't in the same place as he was yet."

After returning home, they agreed to meet again stateside in St. Louis, where Joan’s family lived. If there was to be a future, she reasoned, Jack would need to be comfortable there. She planned a weekend showcasing her city, and those few days were a success, leading to a year of thoughtfully planned visits and shared travels.

Their story unfolded across continents — an engagement in Cartagena, a "practice" wedding ceremony during an exploration to Turkey and, finally, a real wedding at Niagara Falls in 2012.

For Jack, a retired Army Chemical Corps officer with one child and no grandchildren, marrying Joan meant suddenly being embraced by a large family, including five granddaughters ranging from nearly infant to college age.

Together, they embarked on nearly 50 journeys, several of those with Road Scholar. Joan particularly remembers a magical New Year's in Sorrento and a small ship voyage around Sicily, where they indulged their shared love of learning through deep conversations with experts in history and opera.

Jack’s passion for photography added another dimension to their adventures, and Joan admired how he used his lens to connect with others. "If you're a photographer," she explains, "you're seeing the world first from your own perspective, but then also thinking about how things would look through the camera. You're always going to have friends because everybody wants to talk to you about the camera."

Recently, Joan returned to Arlington National Cemetery for Jack's funeral, where she found herself telling the story of their meeting again and again.

Now, as she plans her next adventures — including an upcoming small ship voyage to the Greek islands — she continues to follow the same thoughtful approach that has always guided her path.

"Don't get caught up in the little things," she advises others thinking of traveling at any stage of life, especially those venturing out alone. "Have a broad view about everything." For example, as she recommends, make transfer times reasonable, choose programs with the right balance of structure and freedom, and above all, know yourself.

"As a solo traveler, if I look at an itinerary and see five dinners on your own, I'm not opting for that one," she says matter-of-factly. "I know I would probably meet people, but I wouldn't want the stress of having to actively plan for that." Instead, she looks for opportunities that match her interests, like practicing language skills in local cafes — "probably my favorite thing that I do when I travel."

Joan's story reminds us that the best adventures come from understanding what we need and embracing what we find along the way. It was her decision to use her Russian language skills that led to a chance encounter with a kind man, proving that sometimes the most thoughtful choices can lead us straight to life’s greatest adventures.

What has been your greatest adventure? Join the conversation and the community in our Age Adventurously Facebook group.