Do it for Dolly: Why Caregivers Need to Take Care of Their Own Health First

Dolly Parton was a woman of means. She could have had any checkups or procedures she needed at any time, if it was merely a matter of money or health insurance. (She was famous for joking about the number of plastic surgeries she’d had, so she certainly wasn’t afraid to go to a doctor!) If anything, Dolly’s experience proves that the real toll on caregivers is an emotional one — a hyperfocus on our loved one who is in need of care and feeling that our own needs aren’t important. It’s depression and exhaustion, and a feeling that we can get to our own issues later.  

Caregiving Burnout Leads to Personal Neglect 

I’ve seen this before — so many times — with people in my life, as I’m sure you have, too. Friends and family who are completely burned out from caregiving duties but dutifully took care of their loved one, only to neglect their own needs. As caregivers we understand that when you are in the thick of it, caregiving takes it all. Dolly famously sang about “Workin’ 9 to 5,” and the sentiment is very similar — only in this case, it’s “Caregivin’, 24/7.” 

According to a report by the Centers for Disease Control called “Caregiving for Family and Friends — A Public Health Issue,” one in five caregivers lists their own health as “fair or poor,” while two out of five caregivers have their own chronic medical conditions. Almost 40% of caregivers report getting insufficient sleep. Nearly 15% of caregivers reported more than 14 days in the past month where they struggled with their mental health.  
 
And yet, the report also states that “Over half (53%) of caregivers indicated that a decline in their health compromises their ability to provide care.”  

How Am I Supposed to Do It All?

This is when the caregiver in us starts to rebel though, isn’t it? When am I supposed to make the time for another doctor’s appointment for me when my loved one has so many? How am I supposed to find someone to take care of them while I’m having a test done? Telling my loved one that I need a medical procedure is going to stress them out — can I really put that on them?  

But friends, we can’t put it off. If you’re having frequent headaches, don’t just assume they’re just stress. The same with gastric distress, or chronic pain. Our bodies send out flares when something is going on — and it’s not something we can always write off as wear and tear from daily life and caregiving.  

I recently had my annual physical and was surprised to see a poster on the door of the exam room that asked, “Are you a caregiver?” When my physician entered the room, I inquired about it and told her that I am a caregiver. Her response? “It’s an exhausting job and people forget to take care of themselves. That’s why we need to know.”  

Even Dolly struggled with this. Even with her means and staff and many people who undoubtedly helped her, she forgot herself. And that’s where we need to make sure our journey takes a different path.