4. Be Vulnerable and Accept Help
My husband and I were always open about his illness. That willingness to be vulnerable seemed to invite offers for support. At first it was hard to accept help, for both of us. I figured if I “could” do it, I “should” do it. But, as things progressed, I began to recognize oncoming depletion. I realized that I couldn’t handle all of life’s daily responsibilities plus all the caregiving, too.
As I shared my challenges with friends, they helped me realize how much support I was refusing. So, I started saying yes to everything: food, rides, social visits and repairs. One of the best tips for caregivers I can give is: don’t be afraid to be open up about the difficulties of caregiving, and accept any help that is offered. What you’ll come to realize is that you’re giving friends and family members a gift by allowing them to help carry the burden.
5. Keep Your “Life-Space” as Big as Possible
As time went on, I could feel my life closing in. I came across the term “life-space” in the book "Elderhood," by Louise Aronson, and it resonated so much with me. Our lives were shrinking, fitting into a smaller and smaller space. We saw fewer people, traveled shorter distances, went fewer places. As our life-space decreased, our focus decreased, until all we could see was the disease.
So I went out of my way to increase our life-space any way I could. We had loved to travel, so I found shorter trips closer to home. We loved to entertain, so rather than hosting dinners, we invited friends over for cocktails. When he couldn’t leave the house for more than a few hours, I looked for easy places we could go in his wheelchair, like a fishing pier where he could be on the water.
Now that I’m alone, I’ve been exploring new ways to expand my life-space. That’s when I discovered that the Caregiver Grant eligibility extends for two years after caregiving ends. Road Scholar programs offer the perfect opportunity to travel alone but not by myself. I applied and am excited and grateful that the grant is allowing me to look forward to expanding my life-space all the way to Santa Fe.
Want to learn more?
Find out how you can apply as a family caregiver, or learn how you can give to support a grant.
Learn more about Road Scholar’s Caregiver Grants →
About the AuthorNancy Hardaway had careers in education, real estate sales and development, banking, nonprofit and leadership training before becoming a family caregiver for 11 years for her aging mother, her disabled sister and her ill husband. In her caregiving blog, The Artful Caregiver, she has drawn on her talents for writing and art to help her understand her role as a caregiver and, now, in her difficult post-caregiving transition.